he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
