I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
