No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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