He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
