The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
