I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
