Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize