I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
