I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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