Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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