I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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