Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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