She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
