she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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