I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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