M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
