I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
