first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
