Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
