I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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