I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
