You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just pynch a tree in the face
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
