Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
