just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
