the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
