i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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