Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
