I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
