Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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