I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize