Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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