you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
