I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
