I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
