I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
