at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize