I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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