the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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