You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
