he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
home. puking in laundry basket.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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