so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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