brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
