It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
