My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
