The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
babies were throwing up all over the place
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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