I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hippo gnu deer
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
