There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
