Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
