THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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