Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
