At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
