Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
