just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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