I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize