I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
