Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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