OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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