How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
