I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
