Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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