So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
