you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
