Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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