No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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