Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize