i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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