Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
